LOVE finds me.

My story is ruined. You see, I was supposed to meet the man of my
dreams on some romantic beach in Galapagos, ensuring a neat and happy
ending to my book like any good romance novel.

But all that changed this week.

Dave found me on OK Cupid. He wrote to me whilst I was in Asia. I remember feeling a twinge of excitement when I checked out his profile... reiki practitioner, did massage, was a well-known speaker and writer in his field, was well-traveled and did not suffer fools. Sounded like my kind of guy,even though he had a beard and mustache and I can't stand hairy faces!

He was the first date I arranged after arriving home in the USA.

Dave writes: After a particularly bad breakup and the resulting months of healing, a friend suggested that it might be time to date. A different friend, much more adept and immersed in the dating "scene" suggested a particular Internet site that would be a good place for more "alternative" type people without simply being an anonymous sex cesspool. I jumped in, wrote words, answered questions, posted pituress and started searching. A short list was created and boldly off to the dating stars I went to go where no man had gone before.

One of the Profiles that made me stop and read was that of a petite blonde English ex-pat who described her work and life mission as a yoga teacher, tantra teacher, world traveler, author and mentor. I would read her words, look at her picture and imagine this diminutive stature, large personality woman living in a world where she would fall for a bear of a man of whom personality was always the thing women have loved and body, well, not so much. Nonetheless, a short, eloquent note was sent off to beg the important question.

As it turns out, Yoga Goddess received my note while on an extended teaching trip through Asia. Yet she wrote with an interest and an intention to meet upon her return. A success. Better yet, she wrote a couple more times with trip updates. Even better, when she shared her website address, I discovered that I had actually seen her before when searching Google for yoga teachers in my area and somehow felt I knew her.

It was in that moment that a rush of understanding came to me. As a Body and Energy Worker I know this feeling. But it is often affirmed or corrected when I touch someone. Can't touch her in Asia, so I was content with a warm fuzzy feeling. And as far as I was concerned her return couldn't come quickly enough. Every "coffee date", good or bad, always left me wondering about the free spirited one.


“Hi Julia, I'm Dave. Great to meet you. Can I get you a coffee?”
We were in my local Starbucks. I saw a giant of a man standing before me, well dressed, imposing but 6 ft 5 huge and broad to match. He had to be at least 400lbs.
“Thanks – I'll have a tall latte and one of those yummy caramel bites – I am totally addicted to them!”
I was nervous and babbled, feeling a bit awkward and self-conscious as I felt Dave's big blue eyes scanning me for the first time.

We found a couple of comfy seats and started chatting; small talk about my Asia trip, what he does for a living and the usual stuff we do whilst our minds evaluate the person we are meeting and our
energies meet and sense the other.
“He doesn't look like his picture,” I was thinking. “He's way bigger, has less hair and looks older.”
But I LOVED talking to this man! I instinctively felt safe with him, and after feeling ungainly and clumsy from being around delicate, elegant Asian women, in Dave's presence I felt petite and feminine, a good feeling for me.

Dave said he was an agronomist, an expert on grass and turf, so he works on golf courses. Jack Nicholson employed him for years to help build golf courses all over the world. He'd traveled as much as I have. Yet as a true Rennaissance man, Dave also played bass in a band, loved to cook, dance and go to hot springs; and dive.

“I love to touch and learned massage at Esalen a few years ago. If you'd like me to come over and work the jet lag out of you I'd be happy to offer.”
Well, really, a very nice man wants to practice his massage on me. And he learned that smooth, flowing Esalen-style technique that is so relaxing to receive. What girl in her right mind would say no to that?
Besides I really LIKED this man, even though I did not feel attracted to him in a physical way. I was happy to get to know him better as a friend. Of course, I did not say that right away. That would be
off-putting. So we made a massage date for the following week and said our goodbye.

Dave writes: Upon the return of Lady Julia, she took a few days to purge jet lag and we agreed on a time and a place to hold the ritual ceremony of The Coffee Date. It's not a hard activity if you like job interviews, root canals and other invented activities that are designed as emotional spanking machines.

Of course, I'm a wreck all day with nerves yanking my system like several hundred bee stings. And at the same time, I have a feeling of peace like I'm meeting an old friend. But in the weeks waiting for her return, I'd had a few of these first dates and a couple of second dates and for the most part dating was starting to look and feel like an activity along the lines of stacking deck chairs on The Titanic.

Miss Julia entered the Starbucks, late, but not too. She had told me she'd be the girl in jeans and a pink jacket. There were jeans, no pink jacket; a sign she was just checking the box and meeting the Large American to get it over with?

The most important thing to me, immediately, was that her vibey, intelligent speech was real and profound and I found myself falling into her British accent as if I had just tried to walk across a swift moving stream. Plunging into the exhilarating cold, realizing I had to swim in the current of the conversation with all I had, exhilarated, yet somehow forgetting I never intended to swim.

Time passed quickly. And I simply had to ask her if I could see her again. She related that there were some busy moments, there were some openings. I figured I could take that. But my overarching sense was that she really didn't see me. Coffee dates. Had me thinking that what I should do is just take my dog and head for the hills somewhere. Reminds me of a scene in Robert Redford's classic movie, Jeremiah Johnson, wherein Redford's character asks the old mountain man, Grizz, if he ever got lonely for a woman.... a full time night woman. The answer was something to the effect of him having traded in his squaw for a gun and some tobacco Wisdom? Perhaps.

Here's what I knew: a Goddess stepped into my life and I recognized it. As a man, regardless of my height, weight, education, cultural construct or anything else that makes me the special creation I am, I owe it to myself to embrace that recognition enough to show this person who I am. Once she sees and I know her vision is clear and then and only then if she doesn't feel chemistry... the credits roll, a sad song begins to play and this cowboy rides away.

That's not how it happened.

Learning...

OK OK I know - I've been bad. It's been WAY too long since I posted a blog and you are all probably lying awake at night wondering what the hell has happened to me and my book project.

Well - quite a lot actually. I am about 2/3 through writing my first draft and will post some more excerpts here soon.
And a lot has come up for me as a result of the writing.

2 big things....one is that I need to be in a womens" group and the second is that I need to be learning.

My teacher Hal once said that we are happiest when our learning curve is highest. We feel most alive, alert and full. I know this to be true for me, as leading a routine life makes me feel dull and bored.

So I've been kicking myself in my own pants lately and have been embarking on a quest for new stimulation. I've signed up for salsa dancing classes and Spanish lessons in preparation for going to Ecuador and have resolved to hike at least one new trail in my area each week.

Today I took myself off to Folsom Lake area and did a 4 mile hike through the woods on a trail I never new existed before now. The birds were so active, woodpeckers pecking away and geese squalking by the shoreline. It was sunny and pleasant and I even saw some boats out on the lake.

WHY don't I do this more often??!! It was beautiful and I felt SO good afterwards.

My other resolution is to learn about a new restaurant or coffee shop each week. Last night I went to Piattis, an upscale Italian joint, for delicious turnip soup and homemade pasta with crab and leeks. Oh and creme brulee for dessert. Now you know why I needed to hike 4 miles today!

I half have it in my head to learn to cook something new each week too, but that might be too much of a stretch for me, unfamiliar as I am with the culinary arts.

SO womens group. I just wrote in my book a piece about how wonderful it was to have our old group together last summer. I realize I need this on a more regular basis, to immerse and drink in that lovely feminine energy. Also to create a support group for women who are going through change (and who isn't?).

In our thirties we were all getting divorced. In our fifties, we are all facing menopause and aging issues; parents are dying; husbands are retiring. we could all use support.

So our first meeting will be here Thursday Dec 29th. You are welcome to join us... if you don't have a penis!

Perspectives....

Each year I stop in Hong Kong on the way back from my yoga vacation tours. I stay on Lamma island with my friend Johnny, a world away from the hustle and bustle of Kowloon and Hong Kong island. It's just a 30 minute ferry ride to get here, but feels like you are moving 30 years back in time. There are no roads here on Lamma, just wide paths, big enough for motorcycles and pushbikes, but really meant for walkers.

The view on arrival is of green-covered hills and a port area lined with brightly-lit Chinese sea-food restaurants, each with large tanks of water crawling with live lobsters, crab, squid and fish,. The Chinese like their food fresh. Tables are round and set family-style, with a turn-table in the middle for dishes that are meant to be shared.

The raucous sound of chattering Cantonese-speaking locals fills my ears as I walk past the restaurants. I have another dining destination in mind - the English pub!

The wonderful thing about Hong Kong is that because of the many of ex-pat Brits and lingering British influence, there are also a number of wonderful British pubs where I can indulge my longing for good British cuisine - and drink!

I head to "The Waterfront" and promptly order myself a pint of cider and a roast lamb dinner. Aahhhh! Heaven! They even have mint sauce to go with the lamb! ( It's a British thing...). It's excellent fuel for the walk up to Johnny's house.

Now Johnny's house is not so far away, only 10 minutes from the port, but it requires climbing a very steep hill - a 1 in 5. And today I have a suitcase and bag to lug behind me. When dinner is over, I walk past the tourist shops selling Indonesian batiks and scarves from China, past the tea and cake shop, resisting the temptation to stop by and eat yet more, turn right at the bank and walk through the farm area up the hill to Tai Peng village.

Johnny lives opposite the public toilets in Tai Peng village. And I mention them because they are actually about the nicest public toilets I have ever seen. Offering a choice of oriental squatter loo or western-style sit-down toilet, they are spotlessly clean and with a convenient roll of toilet paper affixed to the wall as you walk in. Although I can avail myself of Johnny's very excellent house facilities while I am here, I am nonetheless impressed with Chinese cleanliness and efficiency.

But I digress....

I came here to teach a tantra workshop at a local healing center. I offfer one every year and at the end, there is a line of young women wanting to book me for private sessions. What they really want is simply someone older to talk to, someone with some life experience who can make sense of what they are going through, who can offer some candid advice about sexuality, relationships, spiritual development; in short, someone with perspective.

And I have noticed that I must now have that, as it is easy for me to guide them, advise them, give them tools and exercises to develop them and it all seems to work quite nicely.

In my 30s, I recall how relationships were the be all and end all of my existence. There is, of course, a biological reason for that. We are programmed to repopulate our species, so as a woman, there is a sense of urgency to find a mate and conceive as soon as possible. If that doesn't happen, we get anxious. I remember thinking that if I did not find a man by 40 I would be washed up, on the shelf, over the hill with sell-by date well expired.

When you are in that space, it's hard to hear that there is plenty of time for men... that the right one will show up bang on time and in the meantime, we work on ourselves, we find joy in all aspects of our lives and allow well-being to settle in.

No.

In our 30s, we women panic. We often settle for someone not quite suited to us. Maybe we have babies with them, maybe we grow a business with them, as I did, and then, as the misery of incompatibility sets in, we reach out for a mentor, an older woman who can guide us through the minefield of this potentially tricky time of our lives.

I wish I had had a wise auntie or female teacher when I was going through the traumas of my 30s. Of course, I did find Hal. But he was not a woman. He could not share the perspective that an older woman has. How I would have loved to have had a cup of tea and a cozy chat with some open-minded, experienced auntie who had lived her life fully and could offer me the wealth of her life's rich tapestry. Where were my tribal elders when I needed them?

And now it occurs to me that I am it. I am the go-to older woman for these younger ones. I have not really wanted to think of myself in this way, but here in Hong Kong at least, it is undeniable that that is a role I can play and play well.

The young girls come to me and talk to me about their marital problems, their sex lives or lack of it, their men. Or lack of them. I use my skills as a hypnoptherapist to clear blocks that are hampering them and my yogic training to offer tools that will keep them clear and expanded. They leave feeling supported, loved and hopeful. And maybe most important, they leave their shame behind. They dump it in the garbage can as they walk out the door.

I find that shame is the biggest obstacle to their well-being, especially in the Chinese and Indian cultures, but we western girls have our fair share too.

Shame of the failed marriage, shame around their bodies, shame around sex, shame around not living up to parents' expectations. The list goes on. And my job is to reduce their "shoulds to goods."

They think, "things should look different." I say, no, it's OK just as it is and that is good.

I watch the tension in their knotted foreheads soften and release as they wrap their heads around this new concept of OKness. This does not mean they are not going to need to make changes and act appropriately. No. But when we get it that everything has a purpose, we can accept our situation in the moment, let of of our resistances and make our next move with clarity.

Hal used to say that we are all perfectly poised to learn our lessons, there are no mistakes and there is no such thing as a coincidence. There is the hand of the Divine in all of our lives, guiding us, leading us often into challenging situations in order that we may learn what we do not want, as this is the dimension of contrasts. It's actually useful to experience what we don't want, as then we see more clearly what we do want. It's just that its hard to see that perspective when we are in the thick of our life dramas.

Maybe that's why I like being 50. I feel like my dramas have eased off. Everything is smoother, calmer, more peaceful. It's a time for enjoying, savoring life, rather than stressing and building.

I am going to relax into that today, watching the butterflies dance here on Lamma island.

Full moon prayer time in Bali

It's full moon in Bali...
It's 5.40pm and 6 of us from our group squeeze into the minivan for the 15 minute journey along the coast to the temple. Our hotel staff told us to go at sunset to see the ceremonies at Pulak Sari Temple on this October full moon, the most sacred on the Balinese calendar.

There is full pandemonium as we arrive.
Normally serene and quiet, this temple by the sea has been descended upon by a seething mass of people, all anxious to bear there offerings of fruit, cookies and rice and receive the blessings from
the temple priests.

We walk with many locals up the ancient stone steps and enter the temple grounds, taking sunset pictures over
the ocean through the beautiful stone carved walls. We are the only
foreigners, yet the locals don't seem to mind and gawk at us as much
as we admire them, their beauty, their elegant costumes of lace tops
and sarongs for the women and special temple day hats and sarongs and
smart shirts for the men. All look cool and comfortable while we
sweat in the humidity.

Inside the grounds there is an inner
area where 100s of Balinese are sitting, awaiting their turn for a
blessing. We look on from the outside, wondering if it's OK to take
pictures. As I am watching, a lovely lady walks up to me and in
perfect English asks if we would like to join her and her family for
prayers!

Would we ever!
With much gratitude, we follow her and
her drop-dead gorgeous 20 year-old daughter, Didi, into the inner
temple area. They graciously give us flowers to pray with and invite
us to sit with them. It turned out they had driven 60kms to be here,
as this special ceremony only happens once a year.
Everyone is chattering and excited.
Very different from our church atmosphere. Suddenly the gamelan
orchestra starts playing loudly and a priest chants over the loud
speaker.
“Om, shanti, shanti...”
We follow suit as the family bow their
heads and place their hands together. Time to pray.

I am just starting my gratitudes to God
for this wonderful journey and auspicious moment when it's all over!
Maybe I am long-winded, but it seemed awfully quick to me, maybe 2
minutes or so!
After that, the priest, all dressed in
white for purity, comes to each person in turn and sprinkles holy
water on them with some kind of stick that he dipped into a bowl of
holy water. First the water is sprinkled on the head, then 3 times
onto the open hands, to be licked, then once more on the head.
Finally some white rice is applied to the 3rd eye point
and the blessing is complete.
The whole process took about 25
minutes.

The gamelan orchestra starts up again
with much enthusiasm as people file out of the inner sanctuary,
depositing their offerings on the altar as they leave.
By now it has turned dark and lights
are on. We have hardly noticed, so transfixed are we by the devotion
of the people and by this ancient ritual of prayer and coming
together of community that meshes the very fabric of Balinese life.

Slowly, silently, we too file out,
passing hundreds more walking up the stone steps as we descend.
We return to the hotel inspired, opened
and hugely grateful for this magnificent experience.

In Elizabeth Gilbert's footsteps..

I LOVE BALI! Am enjoying my 12th visit here to this most sacred of isles where the heart energy of the planet is still strong. The south area has been very developed and continues to get more congested and busy with each passing year. Yet I am writing this sitting on my porch overlooking the rainforest, complete with monkeys galore, wafts of exquisite flower bouquets drifting into my nostrils, sounds of the cicadas and birds trilling...a feast for the senses.

Yesterday was my friend Deborah's 60th birthday and as part of her gift, I took her to see Wayan, the healer that Elizabeth Gilbert saw in "Eat, Pray, Love," We got lucky and got right in to see her. Deborah chose a body scan and future reading.

Wayan is a lovely smiling lady around 45 with a strong presence and limited English. She reminds me a lot of Atarangi, my Maori healer friend. Sure of herself, motherly and kind. Oh and a straight shooter - she did not mince her words - she told it like she saw it to Deborah!

The healing started with prayers - asking permission of the Gods to heal the body. Then she asked Deborah to stand up and started to scan her, touching hands, looking at nails, feeling her belly. As she saw an imbalance, she spoke it.

"Too much sugar. Too acid. Not enough calcium. Need more vitamin E. You lazy with taking care of body."

Then she looked at her palm and started to read what the lines revealed.

"You have 2 big heartbreak in your life. You live long time. You have one man love you but you don't return it."

I took notes while Deborah absorbed.

Then she was told to go and put on a sarong and head for the bathroom where a Balinese man rubbed her down vigorously with leaves; a skin scrub to detoxify the body and wake up the energy.

Fianlly Wayan massaged her, not gently like the spa therapists, but in a directed firm way that was more reminiscent of our maori healer friends. She poked a stick under her arm to stimulate the lymph and rubbed a bottle of hot oil down her belly so hard Deborah yelled!

After 40 minutes or so she emerged, a new woman! Wayan told her to take herbs to complete her treatment but the Aussie woman there said they had made her sick for 2 days as she de-toxed and tomorrow we have a 4 hour drive to the north coast. So she passed on that.

Instead we found the health food restaurant across the street and ate a tasty, organic lunch. The juices here are amazing too....

Ubud where we are today still has elements of paradise on earth. I would wish for you all to see Bali ....put it on your bucket list!

the joys of travel....

I am sloshed. I admit it... I know it's not becoming of a yogic type but it is the truth and at the very least with this blog I am vowed to self-revelation and honesty, even if it may show me in a less than favorable light.

But there is something you need to understand.
It is a strategy... in order to sleep.

I find myself in the BUSINESS CLASS lounge at San Francisco Airport about to fly to Bali for 7 weeks.. well, to 5 countries in Asia total, 17 flights all told; and facing a 15 hour flight across the Pacific for the umpteenth time, I decided to use some extra miles and splash out for a BUSINESS class flight going west. Coming home is always a breeze so I am flying economy, but west is a bitch. Takes 2 hours more and if I don't sleep, I feel TERRIBLE on arrival in Bali. So the plan is to drink pretty much a LOT of quite decent free booze both now and on the plane (IN BUSINESS CLASS) and then crash out in a drunken stupor.

There is a rumor that BUSINESS class seats actually recline to flat. OMG!! I may actually SLEEP! And I need it.
After all the excitement of the Grand Island party and my birthday etc and readying my house for the people who will sub-lease while I am gone, I am pretty much exhausted and in need of much shut-eye. ( I had to do a lot of cleaning!).

I can hardly believe it, but in this moment, all planning is done, flights are booked, and all I have to so is show up and do my trips. 3 back-to-back. This is the first time I have done 3 in a row and I figure I am doing it because I can and because I LOVE doing this... traveling with dear friends, showing them this beautiful planet of ours.

So before the fun begins I am letting my hair down and getting a little DRUNK and eating lots of naughty snacky things in the BUSINESS CLASS lounge.

See you in Hong kong....

50 the new 30? I don't think so!!

Some people like to band it around that 50 is the new 30.

They are sorely mistaken.

When I was 30, I could sleep pretty much anywhere at the drop of a hat, no matter what cocophany of sound was present, no matter how many people may be sprawled around the room. Nowadays I need complete quiet - no snorers within earshot - my nice therma-therapeutic pillow to support my neck and a cozy bed. No more sleeping on hard wooden decks for these bones.

This is up for me as sleep has become more and more of an issue as I have reached these pesky menopausal years. 3 days with less than 5 hours good rest and I feel like a walking zombie; ungrounded, easily irritated, foggy, easily sad.

This week, with a lot on my mind as I prepare for not only a 7 week excursion to Asia but also my birthday parties, I have resorted to the miracle of modern science - sleep aids!

aaaahhhh...

Let me tell you, the world looks SO different after 8 hours sleep!

So today I am optimistic, energetic and ready for anything again!

Short blog today - I am heading to the Delta - enjoy this gorgeous summer weather while it lasts!