Chapter 2 Sea of Cortez
The next day, Bob and I walked down the long, deserted beach to find a breakfast spot. We ended up at a brand new posh Eco-lodge which served to-die-for coffee and killer omelettes. The sky was a never-ending Baja blue and the sun felt comfortably warm on my skin. One of the practices I had learned as a tantra teacher was to become aware of the senses as I go through my day, and here my senses were on high alert; taste buds rejoicing, the smell of the coffee, feel of the sunlight, sound of the waves. I could feel the tensions of the last few weeks melting away as I relaxed deeper into the precious moment and all it offered. I took a deep breath in and slowly exhaled. Aaahhh (I invite you to do the same!) That's better. I felt so grateful for having the ability to be in this special place, far from the maddening crowds. I live in a city and although my house is quiet, there is always that background hum of traffic and city noise, that energy of activity that permeates even my peaceful oasis.
But here there was just the ocean, the desert, the endless sky. My nervous system could let go of its defenses and relax deeply. Isn't this why we take vacations, to truly get recharged and let go of our stress? Yet so many people opt to go to yet more high octane, busy destinations that in their way encourage even more stimulation and stress; not my cup of tea if I have come to relax. I need the soothing sounds of nature away from too many people and too many stimuli. This beach at Pescadero, just south of Todos Santos suited me just fine.
The last few weeks at home had been exhausting for me. I am a yoga and tantra teacher, and had been offering a lot of groups, classes and workshops recently. When I teach, I give it my all, my full Presence and energy. It is my joy to do so and although I feel very blessed by the work I have chosen, I can also get very tired. I HAVE to take care of myself and have found that getting completely away is the best way for me to relax. I also feel that is a responsibility to my students. They want the best Julia possible to show up as their guide and mentor and I need to make sure that happens.
I had also just ended a relationship. The emotional stress of that was weighing heavily on me too, as I had been with a loving, wonderful man and many people would think me crazy to break if off with him. But my soul was screaming out for a change, for more time alone, for something new to come into my life. And this match was somehow just not quite right. And if I wanted “the right one” then I HAD to let go of the not-quite-right-one in order to create space for that to come in. I had put some of my personal wants and desires on the back-burner during my relationship and now I craved the time and space to fulfill them. In the past I had gone through times when being single felt like a lonely, desperate place, but this time I was not afraid to be alone. In fact, I welcomed it. Like Madonna, who is coincidentally about my age, I felt the need to reinvent myself now that I was in my fifties.
Turning fifty had actually been a bit of a shock to my system. For a start, it sounds old. I guess it's because when I was young, people who were fifty looked and acted way older than our generation does now. As a healthy, young-looking and acting person, it was hard for me to think of myself catapulted into that category. I did, at least, have an awesome celebration to welcome in this sixth decade of life. I teach a yoga retreat every summer at a magical place in the mountains near Tahoe called Sierra Hot Springs. Nestled in a lovely valley with cows grazing in the meadow, the main house is a cozy Victorian with big fireplaces, friendly cats and a plush green-carpeted workshop space that you can rent. Outside in the woods are the hot springs themselves, deliciously warm, sulphur-laden waters that caress and soothe the body with their healing mineral content.
I had rented the space for the whole weekend and invited thirty-five of my friends to come up and play. They told me, “Julia, you are not to do a thing! We will teach classes for the group and provide entertainment and cake!” And so they did! We had yoga classes, an amazing breath-work session, a cabaret and an evening celebrating me where each person in turn shared how I had touched their lives. I felt deeply moved and tears flowed. How lovely that my dear friends expressed their love in this beautiful way! As the recipient, I wish this for everyone who reaches this milestone in life.
Having been raised English, and therefore adept at hiding my feelings and shy about expressing myself in a deep, truthful way, I have had to open up a lot living and working in California where the culture is so different. It's been a long inner journey over the last twenty years, but one that has allowed me to become more of who I truly am and has opened me to feelings, experiences and self-expression that would never have been possible had I played it safe and stayed in the comfort of my old life in London. Many of these dear friends had been part of this journey and I am forever grateful to have them in my life. We had a beautiful weekend playing together, delighting in each other almost as little children, so much love and caring being shared.
Then I went home.
And had a mid-life crisis.
To be continued....
